The Master, released in limited theaters last weekend, is being hailed as a heavy Oscar contender. Early reviews are glowing, and it sits at 88% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes. Its director Paul Thomas Anderson has been lauded for his unique style of directing and writing, and has been nominated for 5 Academy Awards. It stars Philip Seymour Hoffman and Joaquin Phoenix, two powerhouse leading men that have 5 Academy Award nominations and one win between them. Joaquin's performance as Commodus in Gladiator is one of my favorite performances of all time. So with all of that on the table, why in the world would I not go see The Master? Because it is directed by Paul Thomas Anderson- master of movie boredom.
Before I go any further I must confess that I am not fully versed in the ways of Anderson. I've only seen two of his films; There Will Be Blood and Punch Drunk Love. I've managed to steer clear of Boogie Nights, Magnolia, and Hard Eight. But the two I have seen have been so painfully boring and weird, I couldn't imagine having to suffer through any more.
There Will Be Blood, released in 2007, had all the hype in the world. A critically acclaimed director, Hollywood acting great Daniel Day-Lewis as the lead, and the promise of an engrossing tale of oil prospecting at the turn of the century. Needless to say I was very excited to see this movie in the theater. The opening scene was extremely promising. Daniel Day-Lewis, struggling in an oil well, in an amazing one man scene with no dialogue. After that is when things started to turn south. For what seemed like the next 9 hours (in reality it was only two and a half), absolutely NOTHING happened. Seriously, there is nothing that happens. I understand that not all movies are moved along by a traditional plot, and that there are other types of films. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is a good example of a film that is a character study. We see Benjamin from his birth to his death. But in between there is growth, action, and love. In There Will Be Blood, there is none of that. Day-Lewis' character is an evil curmudgeon in the last scene, the exact same as he is in the first. There's no plot to speak of, just some events, and then it ends. Was I supposed to be invested in any of the characters? Was I supposed to care when anything happened?
About halfway through the movie I started to realize that my expectations had gone horribly wrong. After the movie my friends and I all had sheepish looks, none of us daring to be the first to say they hated it. Someone finally piped up with a "that was kind of boring" comment, finally giving the rest of us the ability to tell of how bored we all were during the movie. A group behind me in the theater loudly exclaimed, "this is boring crap!" and actually left the theater with an hour left. True story. I wish I had been as bold as them. It most certainly was boring crap. It was almost as if I could hear Anderson behind me in the theater screaming, "THIS IS ART! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO LIKE THIS!" I understand that I'm supposed to, the problem is that I don't, not even in the slightest. Maybe I was confusing that with Day-Lewis horribly overacted performance. It was as if Anderson told him,"OK, if you yell and strain your face, it conveys emotion! Do this EVERY time!" Yelling is not great acting, and that is the gist of Day-Lewis' performance. He overacts like Calculon from Futurama.
Round 2 with P.T. Anderson came completely by accident. Had I known that he was the director of Punch Drunk Love I would have never rented it. But I gave it a try, after reading some good things about it on the internet, and several great things about the performance of Adam Sandler. After watching it, it was clear to me that everything I had heard had been wrong. Again, I kept patiently waiting for ANYTHING to happen. Except that it doesn't. Nothing happens, there's some weirdness thrown in for the sake of being weird, and that's it. It's the slowest 95 minute movie you'll ever watch. I was so angry at myself after finding out who the director was, and that I didn't do my research first. I guess if anything, it was a good lesson in the dangers of renting a movie. It could end up being directed by Paul Thomas Anderson. There might be other movies out there as brutally dull as There Will Be Blood and Punch Drunk Love, but I seriously doubt it.
I've had many friends tell me that they love one or both of these. This blows my mind, but hey, maybe I just didn't "get it". But wait a minute. These are MOVIES we are talking about. They are about entertainment. There's only one way to "get" that. Either you enjoy your time watching it or you don't. Understandably, there are films out there that the content and subject matter you may not fully understand, yet you can still be entertained by them. I am a huge fan of Ridley Scott's Blade Runner, but I don't really understand much of it's themes and undertones if I'm being honest. I just know that the world Scott created and the story presented are engrossing, and my time seems well spent. I couldn't care less about the "art" of the film if it bores me to tears. What was the point of me watching it if I felt like I was sitting through a reading of a Chemistry textbook, as read by Ben Stein? Obviously craft and technique matter, but all for the purpose of making the movie more engaging to watch, not less.
I'm probably being close minded about The Master, but after two nightmarish experiences with this director, can you blame me? I almost got suckered in by it too- the reviews, the actors, the hype. Ultimately I think I've finally learned one of the most valuable lessons any movie-goer can learn: unless you are suffering from crippling insomnia, stay away from Paul Thomas Anderson.
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